Loretta
May lay on her 20 year-old son’s lap, trembling like someone done come and
ripped her soul away from her. Her skin hurt and her pride done washed down the
river. The pain in her heart was even greater. The mourning that beat down in
her gut was darn near unbearable. But, she had to answer him. He deserved an
answer. She wished to God, she could find one. There ain’t no excuse. No excuse
whatsoever, but still she tried.
“It’s
complicated, baby,” were the only words that ached from her lips.
“No,
Mama. It ain’t complicated. Put that low-down, no-good fool out. You listening
to me, Mama? You hear what I’m saying? Cause I swear Mama, I swear on this day,
this here moment, that if you don’t— I’m gonna’ hurt him, Mama. I’m gonna’ hurt
him real bad,” he replied, as he pulled her reddish hair back and off the side
of her face.
The
bruises on her cheek sent rivets of hatred down his spine.
“Your
father used to say that I had pretty hair. He would say that there wasn’t
another woman who had hair prettier than mine.”
“It’s
still pretty, Mama.”
“No,
it ain’t pretty no more. It done turned ugly.” “Don’t say that, Mama. You’re
still pretty.”
“I
miss him, baby. I miss him something painful.” The tears streamed down her face
as she reached up to wipe the ones that fell from her boy. Her little man. He
had grown up to be something fine. Someone smart. She was so proud. So proud.
Nothing, not even that sorry piece of a man she married two years ago could rip
that simple fact from her mind. It was buried down in her core. She was gonna’
take it with her, before he tried to beat it out of her.
“Loretta
May!” They both jumped.
“You
tell that boy to get his butt out there and clean up the yard. You hear me?!”
Jonathan
tried to ease his mother aside, but she clung to him. He looked intently into
her eyes and could see them staring back with sadness. They were pleading with
him— begging him not to move. He could see it on her face. He felt it in her
body as she began to tremble even more.
He
gave in. For the moment.
Jimmy
James Clockman came storming into the living room where they both sat. He stood
over six feet tall, and boasted broad shoulders, curly hair. and pale skin
because the sun had no love for him. He had once been the most handsome thing Loretta
May had ever laid eyes on, since Jonathan’s father passed away ten years ago.
Now she strained through the bruises to see him.
The
handsomeness that once adorned him had begun to fade, and was replaced with
cold-hearted bitterness, just six months after Loretta stood in front of the
only county judge and said her I do’s.
Jimmy
had done lost his job twice since then.
“Boy,
you get your butt out there and clean up the yard. I told you to do it
yesterday!”
They
say anger has a way of rushing through your veins and busting out through your
fingers. They say that when it happens, your mind snaps and you see yourself in
a fog doing things that should never be spoken of. Jonathan could feel the
anger. He could feel the rage as Jimmy came toward him. His mother tightened
her grip.
She
could feel it too, as it ran from the heels of her son’s feet to the tips of
his fingers. Dear God, she thought. Save my boy. She pulled away from him and
used every ounce of strength she could find to sit herself up.
“It’s
my fault, Jimmy. I had him cleaning up the kitchen. He’ll get right to it. I
promise.”
The
two men glared at each other. Jimmy could see Jonathan’s hands curled up in
fists.
“What
you gonna’ do, boy?” Jonathan stood up.
Motion
is something that happens in seconds. It’s like a blur that one struggles at
times to see clearly. Loretta May struggled; then, she saw everything clearly.
She moved with a quickness that only a mother could understand.
She grabbed her boy by the hand, feeling the
ball of his fist. “Jonathan, baby, please go outside and do what I asks of you.
You do it now, okay? Right now.”
Jonathan
didn’t move.
Jimmy
stood towering over them both with a smile on his face. He had known this day
was coming and he was ready.
Loretta
May raised her voice as she moved her aching body in front of her son and
reached out toward Jimmy. “He going, Jimmy. He going.” She turned back toward
Jonathan. “Go on now. Go outside. Please Jonathan. Do it for me.”
Jonathan
couldn’t resist his mother’s pleas. She watched his hands release as he moved
around them both and headed toward the door.
Jimmy
started to laugh just as Jonathan stepped out onto the porch.
“Go
on, baby. Do what I asks of you,” Loretta May whispered.
“You
had better listen to your mother boy.”
It
took all he had. Every single drop of love for his mother to close that front
door.
©2013
Marian L. Thomas
